Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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