i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
