If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
