I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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