dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
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