You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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