but the lizard people decide everything anyway
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize