I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
