bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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