im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
