If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
