There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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