come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize