There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
