We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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