Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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