I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
