I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
