She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
