so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do vagina's smell?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize