The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Text me some of your sweat
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