actually, I'm a sock model
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
don't judge my taste in strippers
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
