just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
