i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
