I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
