after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
