he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
