I'm sorry my penis didn't work
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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