I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
