My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize