a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
