Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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