Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
