Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
