I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
