i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
