sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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