Tell her she can't have a vagina
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
