I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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