We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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