bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize