I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
