Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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