She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
