the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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