Cold hands, warm shart.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
