Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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