Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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