are you still at the devil's house?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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