i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
