i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
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