i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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