I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
