My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I think I just sharted jello shots
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