i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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