And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
