Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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