Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Two words: blizzard sex
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