I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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