yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
