I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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