You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
