Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
