my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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