Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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