I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
