i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
