I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
