Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
