the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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