neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
