She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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